New Doors

Well this weekend was an amazing one for me. I've always felt like my life was somewhat soap opera-ish, but this weekend was truly made for the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime. This weekend my dad and I drove to Arizona to meet his long lost sister, Barbara. What makes that so special? Well I'll tell you....Dad was adopted when he was about 6 months old to a black couple. His mom (my grandma) was white. His father, we understand, was a black man that no one ever really knew anything about-except that it was a very sad state of events around how my Grandma became pregnant (one she didnt like to discuss.) My grandma, married at the time to her white husband, Luther Calvin Proctor and a mother of four children already; (Roberta who died at birth, Luther, Calvin and Barbara) kept my dad and gave him her father's namesake 'Wayne'. It was because of the violent, abusive nature of her husband that Grandma was forced to give Dad away...essentially to save his life. In 1946, I cant imagine a black child was easily explainable and that it probably would cause Grandma's husband some embarassment to fuel his horrible temper. So when my Aunt Barbara was about 7 years old, my dad was taken away. She thought of that adorable baby boy so often over the years she told me. She remembers playing with him-and then one day he was gone. Grandma left her husband soon thereafter and took Aunt Barbara with her. Dad's other siblings, Luther Frederick and Calvine Eugene remained with Grandma's husband. After she and Grandma left, Aunt Barbara did see Uncle Gene again one time, when he was getting ready to leave for Korea. He visited her and Grandma up in Multnomah, Oregon. That was the last time she saw him because he was killed in the war. As for Uncle Freddy, Aunt Barbara had interaction with him up until Cousin Wendy was a baby. The family doesnt know if Uncle Freddy is alive to this day.

So now...61 years later, Dad gave me his old adoption papers with just two names to research. He thought it would take me months to find anything. Thanks to the power of the internet, within 3 hours, I'd found his sole living sister, Barbara. I contacted her-totally unsure how she would respond. I didnt know if she'd even know my dad existed. When Aunt Barbara called me back and we spoke--it was life changing. She couldnt believe that baby Michael Wayne was alive. Her baby brother that she'd thought of so much over the years. I called Dad after talking to her and asked him 'Dad are you sitting down?--I found your sister.' The rest, is Oprah-like reunion segment stuff. We drove to meet them this past weekend; Aunt Barbara, my two cousins Wendy and Donna, and their husbands and children. I was so happy for Dad and Aunt Barbara to finally re-connect with each other. It hit me...when I was looking at pictures of my grandma for the first time. This was MY grandma. This was the part of my family tree that had been missing all my life. This was who I looked like. In the family that I know on my mother's side, we dont look like anyone else. We are the only 'mixed kids' of about 40+ cousins & grandkids. Now, here I was looking at Grandma..and seeing my waist, and my hips, and my legs. You have no idea (or maybe you do) what it feels like to question how you look because no one else looks like you. Where do I fit? Now I know where the fullness of my hips comes from. The shape of my legs and ankles. I look at myself in the mirror now differently. Its weird. I have my grandma's legs I say to myself proudly. (Not that I was ever ashamed of my legs! I actually won 'sexiest legs' in a highschool competition and those legs looked great in my cheerleading skirt--so I was never ashamed...just much more proud now that I know from whence they come! :-) I saw myself in my cousins Donna and Wendy. I discovered that humorous spirit my sister has was Grandma's. I saw the strength of my Grandma-her elegance, her beauty. I felt like I could just look at her pictures for hours and hours. Aunt Barbara gave me a ring that Grandma had always worn~ an indian style silver ring with a turqouis stone--and I just cant take it off. It means so much to me.

So anyway, I've discovered family. An aunt, two cousins, five younger cousins for my kids to play with. Its such a happy thing. I've always felt like my life was one of optimism and openness..like that open door. This weekend just confirmed it. I cant wait to explore the future with my new family.